Here are some ridiculous profiles and titles of people who did not make the cut and get to be one of my 2,200 connections on LinkedIn:
Anyone who still hasn’t paid me yet.
Your title and every word in your profile is written in lower case.
Passport photo or driver’s license photo used as your LinkedIn profile photo. (No kidding.)
Scary, mug shot-style LinkedIn photo. (Against a wall, all black and white.)
Anyone not wearing a shirt. One woman PR consultant in my network is wearing a bikini top in her LinkedIn photo Seriously. Bikini top? Unless you’re a character on Baywatch, swimwear is not appropriate for business.
Someone who says she is an “orgasmic liaison”.
No photo. No description of what you do. (Who is this mysterious character with no shared connections? Why are you on LinkedIn? Why do you want to be my connection? How did you find me? Why? I’m scared. Help…)
Someone who calls themselves a “bliss expert.” (Maybe they’re connected to the “orgasmic liaison” but not me.)
Real estate agents. (Unless they are my boyfriend.)
Executive recruiters who are going to pelt me with requests for access to software developers. (Go away.)
Substitute teachers. (I don’t think in a million years a substitute teacher is ever going to hire me.)
A guy in a Scottish tam o’ shanter and ruffled shirt. (On LinkedIn? Are you lost?)
Insurance agents. (Yikes. Go away. I already have insurance.)
Anyone who is a “Career and Life Coach.” Unless you teach football, you’re not a coach around here.
Anyone who is an “Executive Career and Life Coach.” Unless you coached Bill Gates, you’re not an executive coach in Silicon Valley.
Anyone with both the words “coach” and “cannabis” in their title. (I said “green business.” Not that kind.)
People who sell anything multi-level. Especially water filter distributors. (Oh, that’s impressive.)
Anything pyramid schemey. Especially if it involves something you blend in a smoothie.
Anyone who is a “meditator” in their profile title. (Or was that “Mediator” spelled wrong?)
Your NAME IS IN ALL CAPS you run a “HEALING MASSAGE SERVICE” and you live in another country.
Anyone with a creepy dark photo with a crooked smile.
Men who are not wearing shirts.
Men wearing Hawaiian shirts and a baseball hat that obscures their eyes. (This isn’t a virtual barbecue — it’s a virtual business cocktail party.)
Spells CEOs “ceo’s.” (Yeah, right. I’ll bet you are an “executive ceo coach” too.)
Your LinkedIn photo is kind of dusty and it was taken at Burning Man. (Ok if you are Larry Harvey, a founder of Burning Man.) All others, “delete.”)
People who call themselves a “CEO” but run a home-based MLM business and have nobody reporting to them but their cat.
- It’s Spring – Time to Clean Up Your LinkedIn Profile (visibilityshift.com)
- Model Tracks Down Pervert Via His LinkedIn Profile (ubergizmo.com)
- Your LinkedIn Profile Photo Is Scaring People (business2community.com)
- Job Tips: What To Leave Off Your LinkedIn Profile (business2community.com)
- 8 Mistakes You Should Never Make On LinkedIn (brave-new-web.com)